no one knew thee but to love thee...

*i started this blog yesterday, but then i took nyquil and was incapacitated before i could finish lol*

before i start, let me say that i feel like poo poo, so if this sounds depressing, it's really not. i'm just kinda blahhh.

wellll, today was interesting.

started off with me waking up to my director's wife, tiffany, leaving a message on my house phone saying, "LEANNAAAA!!! LEANNA! ARE YOU THERE??? LEANNA!!!" it was 9:00. i thought i was given the day off to take care of car stuff, but apparently i misunderstood and i was only supposed to take time off whenever the car was going to be towed, which wasn't until later this afternoon (didn't know that part either- when they would be there to tow it) so i had to get ready REALLY quick and slaus came to pick me up.

when we got to the church, ric told us to follow him in our cars. we ended up at the cemetary!!!!! creeeppyyy! ric told us to get our journals and walk around the gravesites and if we saw any epitaphs that were interesting to us, to write them down. there were several that caught my eye, but a few faves were:
-to my lady: the sweetest, kindest, most loving mother and wife in the world. Beautiful in life, beautiful in death. we will always love her.
-budded on earth to bloom in heaven (the baby died at 3 days old)
-gone fishing (haha!)
-none knew thee but to love thee
-her children arise up and call her blessed (prov. 31)
-love is neverending
-beloved daddy

and then we all met back with ric after walking around the cemetary a while. we shared some of what we had, and then he said all of the people buried here have great things written about them because their family will choose to remember the good about them, but someone else may walk by their grave and remember them by somehting else. maybe something not so good. maybe a secret, or something that person did, or said. maybe someone will walk by and say, "i had an affair with him." or "she was really the one who killed her husband." then we talked about the story of joseph in the bible. and how potiphar's wife lied to her husband, the king, saying that joseph was trying to seduce her, when in fact, she was the one trying to seduce him, but was having serious denial issues about the fact that he rejected her. and to this day, we don't know potiphar's wife's name. she is known by her lie.
what will we be remembered for?

what will people say when they walk by our tombstones? are there skeletons in our closets that keep people from recognizing us as children of God?

then we took time to write down all of the things in our life that we have to change in order for people to see us as children of God, and not by that sin.

here are some of mine:
lust
arrogance
selfishness
bossiness (if that's even a word haha)
jealousy
always wanting the spotlight
not communicating with friends and family as much as i should
insecurity
lies
being judgemental

in romans 12:1, it says we are to be "living sacrifices". what that means, is daily, we have to die to our sinful ways and give ourselves up at the disposal of the king. we have to conform to his way and not our's. i have to die to the things listed above daily, hourly, minutely haha.

i want to be like the christians they talked about in antioch. that was the first time the word "christian" was used. they described paul and barnabus as being christ-like. they were so different from anyone else they had ever encountered. that's how i wanna be. not the typical christian that everybody has in their mind. i wanna blow people away with my love and compassion for them. people aren't used to being loved. not really, anyway. i'm here to change that!


lovin you,
lovin life,
lovin jesus,
leanna